Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in beloved18's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 5th, 2006
1:13 am	WOW ok so i haven't blogged on Livejournal in a long time now. but since my xanga's not working i guess i will come back to this. i kind of like the simplicity of Livejournal... but yeah i don't know. i like xanga because you can put pictures and music on your site and personalize it. so anyways. first off i want to tell my accountability boys that i haven't been doing my devos. i've tried one night but then i completely failed to keep up the relationship with God. it's kind of ridiculous that being in a leadership position... i still don't walk with God daily. how shameful. but yes. i want to tell you guys how amazing my God is. and YOUR God is. first off. i blogged about this on xanga. but i guess i'll do it once again here. i've decided to go back to CTI. that means more fundraising. i HATE fundraising just so you guys know. it sucks to ask for money... although you're doing it for God. it's just... very not Chinese to do. but that's part of the experience. to be able to go all out for God. so yea. i haven't even thought about CTI stuff yet. but one day i came home and my mom told me that i've got an invoice from CTI that said i got $100USD from some annonymous. i have no idea who or what that was. all i know is that God is ridiculously gracious and faithful... even when we choose to nail him on that cross over and over again... and make him suffer and hurt him. today i had a fellowship meeting with my Coledale buddies. it's our second meeting and i was totally excited... despite the crappy weather today... that reminds me of what David Lanning from CTI said once... even when we're not singing... the rocks and the trees and the rain and everything else is crying out to our Lord most high... anyways. it was awesome to see that the good old most perverted kid in the group was now leading worship on the guitar. and one of the coolest girls that don't really like to talk to people and what not... was praying for the group and leading program. it's quite an experience to see the change in all of us. then we did our encouragement circle thing which was our program for the day. whenever we encouraged somebody, we had to hold on to a piece of yarn and then pass on the ball of yarn - making a network. we then talked about how we're basically all connected in Christ... we're all part of the same body and that we should pull our weight and support each other in the fellowship. we then had someone lie on top of the network on yarn we made. it worked really well and we all had an awesome time just encouraging each other and saying things that we've never said to each other before. although not all of us are mad tight... YET. however, it was quite the start for our group. after that we went out for dinner. dinner was pretty crazy. we finished within like an hour or so... (730 we started i think). we ended up talking until 1030 or something. we talked about the good old times. it was quite funny. and then i came up with the idea of "telling people who you liked before". it was quite ridiculous. we shared all these funny stories about all our elementary school crushes and relationships and what not. it was kind of fun... and embarassing at the same time... especially if the person was present at the table. but it was fun... just to see who we liked and stuff. we had an awesome time laughing about it. we didn't want to go home afterwards. so we went to friends place to chill some more... this is how much we love each other. i learnt a lot about myself today... in the past two days actually. last night my friend confronted me about issues. and then today i was encouraged by my friends. it's kind of interesting... i want to thank God today... for friendship. especially with this group of friends from Coledale. i seriouslly think we're already growing closer... even though it's only been 2 meetings... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 10th, 2005
12:48 am	Friends are Friends forever?! just another thought... i blogged about this on Xanga because my friends from HK uses Xanga. but why can't i be a good friend all the time? why do i have to be difficult all the time? why do OTHER people have to be so difficult all the time? why can't my friendships last? why am i terrible at this game? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
12:02 am	"i'm tired of feelin' low..." so there wasn't much that happened yesterday, and that explains why i didn't blog last night. i didn't have much to say, nor did i have anything to comtemplate and just reflect on things. so yeah. today was quite interesting. got up really early so i can go to church early and do devos first before i "lead" my worship team. notice i quoted "lead" because we're ALL lead worshippers, i'm just someone that coordinates it all together for the week? something like that. anyways, not important. so our set went really well i thought. it went really well NOT because we were amazing at what we played. nor was our singing incredibly good. but because we were TRULY thankful for what we have, and what our GOD has done for us. and then we could sing with HEART. i don't know how the rest of my team felt, but that's what i felt. i was just enjoying myself and singing my heart out. i didn't really care about how we sound. well i mean i broke a string on the FIRST song and didn't bother to stop playing or change guitar or whatever. i just wanted to keep going. so i guess that was pretty encouraging. during response, Joyce sand Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman. that was quite the song. Joyce also prepared a slideshow to go along with it. it sounded good. and i thought it was pretty effective. so after service, we went to Pui Wing's house for thanksgiving lunch. it was amazing. his place is INCREDIBLY FAR... but ridiculously NICE. it's a really really really really nice house. i wish i can live there... and of course i wish my BAND can RELOCATE ourselves... all drop out... and DREAM and MAKE MUSIC there. so anywho, we had a great time just chilling at Pui Wings place. i didn't really get to chill or talk to other people. but i did get to have some jokes time with my boys, Bobs and Leo. "leos going to say grace for us..." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *end of prayer* "bobby, can you stop touching me already?!" "GF" "Janette?!" "GF!!!!" "what?" hahahahahah *burst out laughing* "no money..." "listen bobby... you don't need money. it's all about TALENTS... and a GOOD LOOKING FACE" "o yeah you are right... just look at Sammi" hahahahahah *burst out laughing... again* "ummm what's that smell?" "i don't know... ummm leo what are you eating?" "Pumpkin pie" "are you sure... b'cuz it sure smells like CRAP right now" hahahahahah *yet again... we laughed...* don't worry if you don't get any of the jokes... because if you don't get it... it wasn't meant for you to get it. if you're bobby and leo, you'd know EXACTLY what i was talking about. anywho, so chilling at Pui Wing's place was pretty jokes. after that we went back to church to record... that was when frustration started to creep out. i don't know why i was frustrated. i wasn't frustrated at sam, or anyone, or anything at all. i was just frustrated. i started to have mood swings like mad. i have no idea why, or how it started. but it happened. i honestly don't know why i was feeling weird. maybe i do... but i don't want to tell anyone. so i decided to write a song instead. that didn't go well neither. that just made things WORST... i was sad... and frustrated and moody and hungry and tired and feeling INCOMPETENT ALL at once. that felt amazing... it was ridiculous. "just like Eliot said... life sucks" says Herman. and it does. i don't even know why it does. but it does. i'm not making any sense any more. that's why i love to blog. i can just write WHATEVER i want. and no one can say anything about it. because it's MY THOUGHTS. there're not RIGHT or WRONG in what i can write here. i'm dying... slowly... from school... and expectations... and stress... and...... Song of the Day: She turns like the ocean She tells no emotion She's been coming down the fine She's just reminicing Blood, sweat, and one thing's missing She's been breaking up inside, inside Singing without tunes Screaming without lungs One more than my lonely nation And one more than my lonely nation Desperate we are yearn Separate we are one One more than my desperation And one more than my lonely nation We are the target market We set the corporate target We are slaves of what we want We're just not amused And we're just to sit back losing We are slaves of what we want Singing without tunes Screaming without lungs One more than my lonely nation And one more than my lonely nation Desperate we are yearn Separate we are one One more than my desperation And one more than my lonely nation Lonely, lonely Don't leave me home I'm tired Don't leave me home I'm tired of feeling low Feeling low I'm tired of feeling low Feeling low I'm tired of feeling low Feeling low I'm tired of feeling low Feeling low Feeling low Feeling low Singing without tunes Screaming without lungs One more than my desperation And one more than my lonely nation Desperate we are yearn Separate we are one One more than my lonely nation And one more than my lonely nation One more than my lonely nation And one more than my lonely nation Lonely Nation - Switchfoot Currently Diggin': (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 8th, 2005
12:34 am	"God is bigger than... the air i breath" ... "so i lay my head back down..." wow. what a way to end of the night. so this morning i had class. and there's nothing special to talk about regarding school and what not. but i was anticipating Thanksgiving dinner since the morning. i really didn't know what to expect. we didn't have worship set ready, i didn't have my sharing practiced, i have my RTCP assignment for psych and i have so much on my plate right now. i really didn't know WHAT to feel or HOW i'm supposed to feel. we keep telling ourselves it's gonna be alright, as it's some instant remedy to all these issues, and that it REALLY is gonna be alright. so what was i supposed to do? just not worry and say, screw it, it's gonna be alright. i was really worried. i couldn't really focus in school this morning. all i wanted to do was to get it done and over with, go home, take a nap and head off to Thanksgiving dinner... and so the journey begins... just as we've planned, karin and i went to church at around 4:15 and steve and bobby were already there setting up. so there we were... setting up and expecting the rest of the worship team to get here on time. unfortunately, we didn't start having a full rehearsal until 6:10 or so. i was so mad, and frustrated, and disappointed. i thought we would have realized that we suck as a band and nothing good's gonna come out of this and we need practice. but it sure didn't look like we realize that. i really didn't know what to do. i was NOT having a good time at all... so we started late, nothing went as planned. NOTHING. people came in late, so we accomadated them and waited till around 7:45-8:00 to start our program. and because we're started late, we had to cut the beginning part of music. so people started getting food and we tried to play... nothing would work. NOTHING was going right. i was mad. really mad. i know i shouldn't let something like this affect me, but it did. it affected me a whole lot. i really didn't know what to do. i went up to a brother and said we should pray, but even him... he was mad too. it was just a really disappointing night... and it was going to be a long and dreadful one... or so we thought. so it finally came... the time when i get to share. like i said, i'm not a public speaker. i mean i love talking, but i'm not a public speaker at all. and i had nothing much to offer the crowd tonight. and here's the turning point of the whole experience. the holy spirit of God manifested itself in me. honestly, whatever i said tonight, was mainly from the spirit. and not from me. just like Paul, you probably don't want to hear what I have to say to you, because it's just words of flest and human wisdom. however, it was the power of the spirit that carried the message of my sharing tonight. i talked about our very human nature to want what we don't need, or to long for something better. and if your life suck... and you long for something better, you should do this... and then i played the song Better than I. it's an amazing song let me tell you. i'll post the song later. but it means a lot to me and it totally fit in with the message of the sharing. when i was preparing for this sharing, nothing made sense. i couldn't seem to find any coherence in my points. i was forcing my sharing to work, for my sake. but i never gave it up to God. but by God's grace i finished it last night and i was quite satisfied, but still unsure about what i'm going to say or how i'm going to deliever it. i had no idea how things were going to work. but it did. for GOD's sake, not for my own. so i want to thank all of you that supported me or prayed for me or encouraged me. thank you SO much it meant a lot to me... now that i have time to reflect and comtemplate on what happened tonight. i think it was a good lesson. a lesson of trust. and a lesson of self-actualization. i'm on a row with all these big words tonight. i'm trying to sound intelligent and articulate, but i clearly am not. see, i did it again. i didn't trust myself, i didn't trust God. God was again a 2-inch God that could do nothing for me and through me. God wasn't the God that helped Moses cross the Red Sea. God wasn't the God that burnt the soaking sacrifice of Elijah. God wasn't the God of all miracles. God was the omnipotent and sovereign creator of the universe. he was none of this tonight when we first started off, at least for myself. i couldn't and didn't rely on him. i couldn't and didn't trust him. i failed him. but yet he was faithful, regardless of how i felt. he picked up the trash and made it into art. i honestly didn't and couldn't say that i tried my hardest at the beginning of the night. but God carried me through it, regardless of the situation. by the power of the spirit, God helped me and delivered and awesome message through an incompetent servant like me. i had NOTHING to offer you all tonight, it was ALL God. His Promise of the Day: Desperation leads us here Leads us here Illumination meets us here Meets us here Revelation brings us here Brings us here Restoration frees us here Frees us here And I don't want to leave I don't want to leave this place No, I don't want to leave I never want to leave this place CHORUS It's so amazing Your unchanging love Simply amazing Never changing love Love, love revolutionary love Reparation leads us here Leads us here Liberation meets us here Meets us here Jubilation brings us here Brings us here Higher elevation frees us here Frees us here Your revolutionary love Your revolutionary love, love, love You're a revolution I want to be Revolutionary You're a revolution I want to be Revolutionary You're a revolution I want to be Love, love, love Revolutionary love Revolutionary Love - David Crowder Band (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 6th, 2005
11:27 pm	just another ordinary day... but stressful so today was pretty much a catch up day and a prep. day. i did a lot of stuff today. i woke up and wath 2 psych lectures and read up to date. and then i had to do a lot of prep. work for all these things that are happening.so today i had to tab this song that we're going to sing on sunday. i won't ruin the suprise for some of you but yeah i gurantee it's going to be a good one. it was a pretty tough song to tab even though it's a lot simpler than the rest of the stuff by this same artist. but yeah i found out some pretty nice chords to use from tabbing this song. so i'm going to start using some of this stuff. i also had to write up my sharing for tomorrow night. by God's grace i think i finally have something decent that i'm satisfy with. it's going to be quite interesting. i found out that i have an assignment due on Monday night. it's going to be a writing assignment. dude i can't write. i don't know what i'm going to do. i guess i'll have to work REAL hard. i'm excited for band practice, despite all the work i have to finish, i think it's going to be worth it. that's it for today, nothing too profound... but this following song's pretty interesting... Song of the Day: I see the city lights all around me Everyone's obscure Ten million people each with their problems Why should anyone care And in Your eyes I can see I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world Lost in a Sea of Faces Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine Because you traded Your life for mine Sometimes my life it feels so trivial Immersed in the greatness of space Yet somehow you still find the time for me It's then You show me Your love And In Your eyes I can see And in Your arms I will be I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world Lost in a Sea of Faces Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine Because you traded Your life for mine If only my one heart Was all you'd gain from all it cost Well I know you would have still been a man With a reason To willingly offer your life I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world Lost in a Sea of Faces Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine Because you traded Your life for mine Just one in a million faces Sea of Faces - Kutless *excited for Thanksgiving Dinner* (Comment on this)
12:54 am	a night of thanksgiving part I - friends alright, so i guess i'll write another entry. i don't know why but i just feel like writing. so what happened tonight? nothing much. i watched a psych lecture, called up allan for accountabilty, watched NHL, played MLB, talking to people right now on msn. o and of course, i think i finally finished off my thanksgiving sharing thing...so yea, my missions trip was over long time ago. and i haven't had a chance to say thank you to all of you that helped me out. and by helping me, i mean all the big and little things that you've done for me. all of these things that you guys have done mean a lot more than you think. from the first day i started fundraising, i knew it was going to be tough task. it's not easy to ask for money, especially if you're CHINESE. i don't know why, but it just didn't feel right at all. BUT OF COURSE, there was a greater purpose behind all of this. afterall i wasn't raising money for myself or anything, it was for the kingdom of God. and i'm SO thankful for all of you that have contributed to this. i feel like it's about time that i say thank you to all of you that have done crazy stuff for me. kim - thank you for your crazy card/poster/encouragement thing/whatever you want to all it. i can't believe you made me something crazy like that. for those of you that don't know what she made me. she basically made a card with E-L-I-O-T on it... each letter being an acronym for a word and a bible verse along with it. i was "wow-ed" by this kim. thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers. it meant A LOT to me. it's awesome to know that there're friends that are behind your back in what you're doing. o and also, thank you for doing my course selection stuff for me. i'm still in school and in all of my courses, so you didn't do anything wrong. brian - dude, you're incredible. i know you don't read blogs, but i want you to read this. thanks so much for your support spiritually. thanks for always reminding me that you've got my back. thanks for praying for me when i was deciding on whether to join CTI or not. and of course, thanks for encouraging me to go... and o yea, thanks so much for the suprise welcome back thing at my place, it means a lot to me that you rememebered that i was coming. and o, thx for all the email updates about cell group and helping me forward emails to the rest of the fellowship. mui - wow, you're one of the few people that wrote me a plane letter (no offenses to anyone else, not that you guys care anyways). but thank you for even taking the time and writing me a plane letter. again it's nice to know that people care about you and people are praying for you. j.lo - i still can't believe that you cooked me breakfast. but thank you for even having the idea of praying for me and having a cell group gathering before i left. thank you for all the effort that you've put into our friendship. i know i'm not very good at this game. but thank you again for being so caring and supportive. thanks for organizing the breakfast thing and offering to use your house... and buying me a book with notes in there that encourage and remind me that people are praying for me. joycie - thanks so much for praying for me through this whole thing, even before i decided to go. thank you for always being an inspiration and a source of encouragement since high school, yes even through your "mean-to-eliot"days. it's been such a priviledge to serve with you and just make music with you. thank you once again for being a role model in my life. sam - thanks for being an inspirational character in my life. honestly, if i haven't told you this enough times already, here we go again, thank you so much for just being so dedicated to music and ministry. you and the rest of the rhcbc-ers were my inspiration to become better in music. thank you for being "the humble one" and gave up singing for Char!s coffeehouse. if it wasn't for that i would NEVER have started singing. thank you so much for being encouraging. thanks for lending me your Look to You CD at the airport. the CD actually ministered to me during the trip. it's got some good songs on it that inspired me. it's been such a priviledge to be able to serve with a passionate and talented individual like you. leo - of course i can't forget about you bro. one of my childhood hero i must say. thank you very much for just being supportive. thanks for inspiring and encouraging me to join CTI. thanks for all the pointers and giving me details on all the things that i needed to bring and stuff like that. thank you for helping me record and recording WITH me. thanks also for your prayer and support. karinnnn - i was looking through the stuff that i took out from the bag i used for CTI. i didn't realize/remember that you wrote me a letter, but i remember now, you made me ANOTHER plane package. karin, why are you so amazing? i don't understand. and yes, we HAVE come a long way, but i want to thank you for putting up with me. and always being encouraging and caring. thank you for your card that you wrote me. it meant a lot to me, again, to know that people care about me and that you guys will be praying for me. thank you for reminding me that when i feel lonely during CTI, i know that people are waiting for me and that i'm doing something awesome for the kingdom of God. and thank you for coming out to the airport and coming to my house to suprise me with my OWN hose. thank you so much for being such an awesome friend. i TRULY treasure our friendship. steve - what can i say. thanks for being supportive. if there's anyone that i'm ever jealous of. it would be you. you've always been an inspiration for me to get better... at everything that i do. to try harder in school, to play harder in sports, to play sports with heart, to practice and improve in music, to start playing guitar, to start playing bass, to start trying to pick up drums to, to dream big... just to be a better person. thank you so much being one of the character that changed the direction of my life. thank you again for NOT giving up on me along with Alex in Gr.11 that experience was life changing... that was the time when Sam "let" me sing... the beginning of singing... and perhaps pursuing in music ministry. we've gone through quite a bit a of glorious days and hard fought battles in High School... and it was all worth it. thank you for being supportive of this whole CTI thing, even when i told you that i might be gone for a year. thank you for just being an awesome brother.alright, that's enough thank yous for the night. for those of you that i've missed, i didn't forget about you. trust me. ok, on to another part of my blog. so steve and i were talking about band practice. man i'm EXTREMELY excited about this. i think we can take this really far... if God willing. i'm excited for all the cool things God's going to do IN and THROUGH us as a band. i'm excited for Sataurday, to finally meet the rest of my band, namely our electric guitarist. it's about time to dream big guys. let's do this for the glory of God. "we just dream... and make music" - Chad from Switchfoot. alright, that's it for tonight, i'm listening to Colorado Avalanche hockey right now and they're losing to Edmonton. just for the record, my fantasy hockey team is really crappy... (Comment on this)
12:54 am	"when i look in the stars,,, i see someone else" so here's another song that God's been using to speak to me Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame But even when I turn it off and play myself, the outcome feels the same I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely But when I look at the stars, when I look at the stars, when I look at the stars I see someone else When I look at the stars, the stars, I feel like myself Stars lookin at our planet watching entropy and pain And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane I've been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home I've been thinking bout everyone, everyone you look so empty But when I look at the stars, when I look at the stars, when I look at the stars I see someone else When I look at the stars, the stars, I feel like myself everyone, everyone you feel so lonely everyone, yeah everyone you feel so empty When I look at the stars, when I look at the stars, when I look at the stars I feel like myself When I look at the stars, the stars I see someone... Stars - Switfoot (Comment on this)
12:53 am	past 2 days alright, i didn't blog in the past two days. so here's a recap of what happened in the past two days. so monday night was worship practice for thanksgiving dinner. it was very unorganized and last minute. and everyone was tired already or had a long day or what not. so yeah it's not anyone's fault and i'm not blaming anyone. i think if anything, my attitude was crappy. i was really frustrated, and when i'm fustrated, i don't hide it, i act like i don't care, and i did. i was really stressed out with two school evaluations coming up. AND i have to take care of this thanksgiving dinner worship AND i have thanksgiving dinner sharing AND i have Sunday worship set to plan. so things were already getting really hectic in my world, but on TOP of that, we had a crappy practice. i HATE those. i'm done whining and complaining a crappy Monday... because it's already Wednesday and i'm still alive and have time to blog. that means i'm still doing alright, so i thank God for carrying me through couple days of "entropy and pain". on tuesday i had my first interhouse soccer game. we played against some other team that played in division A last year i believe. i'm pretty sure that they did. but yeah i don't know what happened to me, but i ran out of gas in the first 7 minutes or so. i couldn't run no more but i scored though. i scored on a breakaway. that felt good. so we won that game 2-0. i have no idea how we managed to shut that team out. but yeah, it was a good start for the season i guess. so here's the interesting part about this whole soccer league. after the game, i went to change in the change room. and some guy asked me "so why aren't you guys playing in Division A eh?" "nah, we ain't good enough man" "no man, you guys were better than the other guys that lost the game before you played". so why's the big deal about that? i loved to be recognised. i love the fact that people think we're decent soccer players. because like i said, the reason why i joint this league 1) was because i love soccer. 2) to prove that asians can ALSO play soccer, because soccer, just like everything else in life, is all about HEART, determination and dedication. tuesday night i had my first evaluation of the year. i wrote a quiz/test for my Biochemistry class. i think i was pretty prepared for that one. so i finished in about 20 minutes and left in about 35 minutes into the quiz. the quiz was supposed to be an hour long. after i wrote my quiz i rushed home and ate dinner and then started studying for the OTHER evaluation that i had this morning - genetics test. there're a lot more stuff to study for for Genetics than Biochemistry. so i spent 2 hours and a half or so studying for genetics and then slept. i wasn't feeling well last night. i was getting sick and i found out that thanksgiving dinner worship stuff had been change. i wasn't too happy about that. but hey, God answered my prayer. i said, God i really need help. and he brought someone in to help us out. even though we have to change things around now, God answered my prayer though. so that was pretty cool. so there's nothing more profound to talk about today. o, i went to the gym with Kev again today. that's two days in a row. that was fun i guess. today was the longest i've ever spent at the gym. i was there for a good hour or so. but yeah. genetics test was long and hard, but God is good. i think i did alright in that test. hockey's starting, have to prepare for my sharing still, have to plan for sunday worship... i'm stressed out and burnt out for no reason. well i think i got myself involved in too much stuff. i was stupid. i wasn't thinking. but yea, in the midst of all of this, thank YOU for being there... Song of the Day: From wherever spring arrives To heal the ground From wherever searching Comes the look itself A trace of what we're looking for So be quiet now and wait (Refrain): The ocean is growing The tide is coming in Here it is (Chorus): Here is our king, here is our love Here is our God Who's come to bring us back to him He is the one, he is Jesus, Jesus And what was said to the rose To make it unfold Was said to me here in my chest So be quiet now and rest (Refrain) (Chorus) Majesty finally Majesty finally here (Chorus) Majesty finally Here is our King - David Crowder Band (Comment on this)
Monday, October 3rd, 2005
12:09 am	in love... i am... so today's worship went well i guess. yeah yeah i know that worship isn't just about the music. although it's important to set our hearts right while leading worship, i think it's important to recognize things that we can improve on. so yea, i played bass for steve's team again today. once again, i do not understand why steve would let me play on his team over and over again. i know nothing about the bass. i mean i know the basics of music... i know how to play roots and fifths and figure out notes on the bass... but i've got nothing. no skills whatsoever. anyways, i asked him for a chance to play, and he agreed to let me do it... therefore i'll hold on to my chances. so yea, i thought it was pretty good today. we had some "blooper" moments here and there, but i had a great time. good experience. sermon today was pretty interesting too. once again, i anticipated it to be great... and it was. the passage he preached on was 2 Corinthians 5:16-21. he talked about change. "change has to begin at the core of our inner being". the simple truth is that "change is possible, because we can be born again through the resurrection of Jesus Christ." Here's my favorite quote of his whole sermon "sin fascinates, then assassinates." that was quote profound let me tell you. think about that for a moment, it's so true. then he moved on to talk about the seven deadly sins. and counter that with seven character of Christ that we should imitate. instead of being prideful, we look to Christ to learn about humility. instead of being envious, we should find satisfaction in Christ alone. instead of doing all these things that we "want" to satisfy ourselves, we look to Christs' self-control when he was "tempted". instead of living a life full of lust, we take joy in purity. instead of being angry, we strive to be kind. instead of greed, we learn to be generous. instead of being lazy, we do what we're SUPPOSED to do. because if we don't, it's a sin (James 4:17) so after service, jerry and i went somewhere else to just have our own time together. no we're not gay. "i swear im heterosexual" says Gummi (inside joke). so yea. we had an awesome time of just putting down ideas for a song and attempted to write a song. i think we have something down. NO i CANNOT share it with you. it's gonna be something that's between the two of us for now. but yeah... well three of us... cuz karin was there cuz she had no where else to go hahaha. what a loner... i mean... yeah nevermind. i had an awesome time just chilling with jerry and writing music. i think i'm going to do this more often... with this guy. i like working with him. it's very comfortable. and i love his lyrics. well i love jerry... period. i swear im heterosexual though. so after all of this, we went to pray for thanksgiving dinner and for case. just for the record, God's about to do something ridiculous at thanksgiving dinner. it's already quite a testimony... the fact that 100 people are showing up... considering the fact that there were only 20 people that signed up one week before the deadline. and there are approximately 70 non-christian/friends that are coming to this... this is going to be exciting. but yeah i still have to figure out my worship team stuff and sharing stuff. so i still got some stuff to figure out for this. but hey, it's gonna be alright. on to the highlight of my day, which would also explain the title of the entry. so after church and stuff we went over to mikes place. and by WE i meant steve and i of course. so we had our first ever "band lunch". i swear it felt like one of those videos from like muchmusic... the band in the making... and shows a clip of the three of us and mike's bros cooking lunch. it was the CHEAPEST lunch EVER. mike bought spaghetti sauce for like $1 at No Frills. that's right man, our band is CHEAP hahaha. well that's not the point. anywho, we had to wait for our drummer... and we had free time... and we had mike around... and we had a switchfoot dvd around... you get the point. that's right man. we watched the new dvd from Nothing is Sound. now, i must admit that when i first heard it, i didn't really like it all that much. but i'll tell you why i'm IN LOVE with it now. their arrangements are brilliant, though i didn't enjoy it a whole lot initially. but you see, what appealed to me and inspired me, was the process of writing these songs, the meanings behind these songs, the truth behind the songs and the HEART behind all this music. "we just dream... and we make music" says Chad, drummer from Switchfoot. wow. that's just exactly like our band. NO we're NOTHING close to Switchfoot, but we DREAM, and we DREAM BIG. and we make music. there's power in music guys. i love Jerome... the keyboard player. yeah that's right. if you wonder why i like him so much, it's because I PLAY KEYS ON MY BAND hahaha. i love what he said... "[my band] loves noise... and that's what im here for... [to make noise]". "some people think what i play sounds eerie, or freaky, but i think it's so cool." [mike, kat and steve all burst out laughing and looked at me]. that's right. that's my role on the band hahaha. im just there to make noise. man JEROME has become my hero. he's so creative. amazing... so Switchfoot has become my inspiration in life. they've always been, but more so now. their music is brilliant, their heart is admirable. they're just a bunch of amazing BROTHERS in CHRIST. they've inspire me to... continue to pursue music. to continue to IMPROVE and INVENT new riffs. to continue to DREAM big and LIVE for my God. to continue to be EXCELLENT in everything that i do... namely for school. (esp. because we're CHRISTIANS who happens to be STUDENTS and not vice versa). so yea... thx Switchfoot... and more importantly. thank God for MUSIC. and his enduring love and never-failing grace. Band of the Day: (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
12:28 am	just another day so today was pretty chilled and packed with stuff to do at the same time. so i woke up and i played some MLB and then i started studying. again, like i've mentioned before, genetics is getting interesting yet challenging. but yea. all i can do is to study hard. after i studied, i went to the mall with my family and relaxed for a bit. and now on to the more exciting things of the day...worship practice was pretty cool. i had a lot of fun. although that's not what it's all about. but it is at the same time. serving God is supposed to be fun. worshipping is supposed to be enjoyable. so i'm playing bass again this weeks. honestly i don't know why Steve would let me play again and again. i feel like he's just being nice and don't want to turn me down and tell me that i suck. but dude, tell me if i do, i don't mind. hehehe. well i do, but i don't at the same time. our set is looking pretty interesting and exciting. i'm really excited for tomorrow. i'm really excited for the sermon too. it's going to be about change like i said before. so yeah i really want to hear what God has to say to all of us. i actually did something else before i went to worship practice. i was going through my CDs and i found this CD that ways TC Media 2003 on it. so i decided to watch it and reminisce on all the god times. that's right, that WASN'T a typo. i wanted to reminisce on all the amazing things that God had done through TC Media. i was watching my own "conversation with God", recruitment video and of course our amazing rules video. this CD brought back a lot of memories. it reminded me of how much God had blessed me. with musical gifts, with amazing mentorship, with amazing friendship, with opportunities to share the gospel through something that i love to do - music. i was listening to myself sing, and wow, amazing... i sounded so bad hahaha. i mean if you haven't noticed by now, there's background music to my blog hahaha. and YES IT IS me singing in the background, doesn't it sound scary? hahaha well the whole point wasn't for me to brag about my singing, because i have nothing to brag about. but rather i really like music, and what's more UNIQUE and CHARACTHERISTIC of Eliot to put on the site than my OWN RECORDING of my FAVORITE SONG using GOD-GIVEN-UNIQUE gifts. so yea. wow amazing, i really had a good time watching those videos and jsut remembering how stupid we were. how Sad we were. how joyful we were... etc. crazy stuff i tell you. ask me for it if you want to see it. i'd gladly show you. hahaha it's nothing impressive, but it's something that i've experienced, and i would others to experience it too. so now that i think about it. this kind of relate to my thanksgiving dinner sharing next Friday. i'm not going to spoil it for ANY of you. but i promise to make people cry... perhaps including myself. but yeah. there ARE a lot of things that i'm thankful for. again, i'm not going to spoil it for you, so yeah. WAIT AND YOU'LL SEE. i'm going to post it up sometime after Friday eventually. anywho, so yeah i have to start thinking about that. Steve suggested that i do "the song" too. so yeah it's going to be interesting. just before i blogged, i watched 722 again. another interesting thing that happend... another friend told me that they're getting tired in life... tired in all aspects... wow man this is like the... i don't remember how many people... that told me the same thing in the past week. anywho, yeah so i watched 722. i PURPOSELY skipped the second one of the three part series. the third one looked more interesting and more applicable for people around me nowadays, so i decded to watch it to see what God has to say to me about all these things that are happening all around me. David Crowder Band came out with their new CD A Collision. David Crowder mentioned that the inspiration of the CD are all the sufferings around them. from the tsunami to the hurricane to cancer etc. why am i telling you about the David Crowder CD?! because his inspirations to writing these songs... turns out to be things that trouble people a lot nowadays. WHY do certain things happen in life? How can God allow such things to happen to me? WHY GOD WHY? Soul Stealer #3 of the series is DOUBT. how often do we doubt? i think we spend more time doubting than relying on God. "yeah yeah watver eliot, relying on God... that's easier said than done my friend." i know. it ain't easy at all. so the passage this time was Matthew 11. Jesus was trying to encourage John the Baptist, who was currently doubting whether Jesus is the Messiah. doubting whether Jesus was the one that he prophesied. he was borng to prophesy about the coming of Christ... but he didn't know if he can believe in this "Messiah" anymore. how often do we do that? doubt our God. he used the analogy of skiing. when you first learn to ski. imagine when ONE leg is going one way, the other is going the other way, we fall. so one side is our EMOTIONS, where as the other side is BELIEVING in GOD. "what pulls us through moments of doubt, is theology, not feelings and emotions" 1) He is Christ Jesus drove John back to theology, not emotions. in vs. 5, Jesus quoted the old testament. more precisely Isaiah. we know that the book of Isaiah is a prophetic book. and of course John knows that too. for him, he had to memorize the whole old testament as a teenager, so of course he knows. Jesus reminded him that he is indeed the Christ, the annointed one. he is the one that will "break into human history and carry the burdens of people". interesting qoute to think about "all world religion impacts the globe, whereas Christianity impacts eternity" 2) He is in control again in vs. 5, Jesus used quoted the passage from the old testament. in this verse there were a couple of verbs. all these verbs are related to the Kingdom of God. sight. healing. hope. forgiveness etc. Jesus is reminding John about the kingdom of God. "let me ask guys to raise your hands... how many of you guys have financial needs that have been met by God? physical needs? prayer requests answered?"... how many of US have gone through that? do we not realize that the Kingdom of God is advancing REGARDLESS. do we not realize that the kingdom of God is advancing inspite of our doubts? 3) He is committed "Jesus is our answer, not our problem". he knows where we are in live, and what we're facing, feeling, and fighting. i didn't get into the sermon that much today. but i just wanted to throw out some of the interesting thoughts that he mentioned in his sermon. o and i was preparing for thanksgiving dinner worship set with derek. let me tell you this guys, it's going to be fun. it's gonna be a fun ride. i was going through my own music. and i saw this one song and i was wondering why they used it for CTI... because the band themselves' kind of "iffy". BUT, their lyrics are absolutely amazing. try and put their songs in a Christian perspective, these songs are actually quite inspirational and encouraging. that's right. im talking about ... well you can guess... Song of the Day: how can you see into my eyes like open doors leading you down into my core where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside wake me up inside call my name and save me from the dark bid my blood to run before i come undone save me from the nothing i've become now that i know what i'm without you can't just leave me breathe into me and make me real bring me to life wake me up inside wake me up inside call my name and save me from the dark bid my blood to run before i come undone save me from the nothing i've become bring me to life frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead all this time i can't believe i couldn't see kept in the dark but you were there in front of me i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems got to open my eyes to everything without a thought without a voice without a soul don't let me die here there must be something more bring me to life Bring me to Life - Evanescence (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 1st, 2005
1:33 am	Stir it up in our hearts Lord... a passion for YOUR NAME so i've been anticipating to write this entry all day long. i don't know why. but i'm just really really excited about life and wants to share with everybody that i've learnt lately. it's been an incredible ride for me for this past couple weeks. so today i had to go deal with my flies in my genetics lab. i clearly screwed it up though. i dumped out the wrong vials of flies, that means that i have to put in more and it's going to take longer to breed more. argh. i felt so retarted. anywho, that's basically it about school. o wait. one more thing. i went to work out again today. i didn't work out for that long because i wanted to go home to do some work. so i stayed for around 30 minutes or so. i did some biking and some treadmill. it was pretty good actually. i felt really energized afterwards. so yea. and o. saw this other girl that i met from Fiona's Farewell party thing. i really suck with names nowadays for some reason. i use to be really good at this game but i suck at it now. i don't remember her name. but yeah i remember that she told me that she goes to UTSC and she plays sports. and yeah i saw her at the gym so that was pretty cool.so i went home and napped and than studied for a bit. genetics is getting really really complicated and challenging. but that's what makes it FUN to study. i'm starting to enjoy this class more and more as it gets harder and harder.so that's pretty much it about school and stuff. now on to the MORE exciting things in life... so i had to prepare the bible study for Salt tonight. the passage was taken from Luke 9:57-62. basically it's about the cost of following Jesus. so tonight was the first time leading bible study. it felt kind of awkward. honestly i was really reluctant to do it at first. because i really didn't like bible studies... let alone TEACHING/LEADING bible study discussion. but we needed people to do it. i wouldn't mind helping my friends out and just do them a favour. but it turns out that God was doing me a favour by LETTING me have a chance to serve him. how often do we overlook something simple like that. we think that it's all about US. but it isn't. so yea. leading bible study was pretty scary. it was scary enough to have Steve in your group (dude, i love you, but you are intimidating hahaha). even though i do accountability with him and have played music with him numerous times... it's kind of hard to "lead" a group with him there. so not ONLY that Steve was there, AUNTIE JO WAS THERE TOO. o man i was SOO scared and intimidated. BUT, i realized this isn't about me and how articulate i am or what not. it was a chance for all of us to get together and learn about God's word and God's will for our lives. so it wasn't about me, and all of a sudden, there were no expectations. there were no doubts. there were no fear. instead there were wisdom from God. and we had an amazing time of fellowship and just getting deeper into the word of God. so like i said, the passage today was about the cost of following Jesus. the disciples in the story had a wrong perspective of what it's like or what it means to follow Jesus. from the previous verses (vs. 51-) it seems like they just followed Jesus because they thought that they can take advantage of him, hypothetically speaking. from what they said about sending fire to burn someone, we can sort of tell that they wanted "use" Jesus to take vengance on someone else. and from their attitude throughout the whole passage, it seems like they had it all wrong. they had WHAT all wrong? their priorities were wrong. their motives where wrong. their expectations were wrong. their perspective about being a Christian was wrong. and no i'm not condemning them and pointing fingers or whatever. but ironically, it reminded me of myself... and here's the most exciting part of the blog. "so how about we all share about something that hit us" says Auntie Jo. "that's exactly what i wanted you guys to share about" says Eliot. "RRRRRRRIGHTTTTTTT" says the rest of the group. that's my corny joke of the day. so we went in circle (or irregular shape *inside joke*). everybody shared and i decided to share last. it was cool. so what DID i learn from this passage. i learnt that a lot of the times, if not ALL the time, i'm just like the disciples. i can praise God when things are going right in life. i can love God because everyone around me seems to love me. i can worship God at a church freely without holding back. i can talk about God all i want at our church and cell groups. i can sing about God's love all i want in church and fellowship. i can ... there are so many things that i "can do FOR God" when things are going right in life. in fact. we don't do NOTHING for God. because everything belongs to him. even the earth is just his foot stool. 1 Corinthians 1:31 and Jeremiah 9:24 talks about how if we should boast about ANYTHING, it should be about God. not about ourselves and what we've done. for everything COMES from him and BELONG to him. so yea. i was just thinking about that. and the theme of Salt this year, if you haven't heard/notice already. it's bascially summed up in one simple phrase. Now is the time to live for God. so what DOES it mean to follow Christ? what IS the cost of following Christ? am i willing to "take up the cross daily" and devote "my" life to him? i shared one very profound quote tonight. "we're NOT students who happened to be Christians. but Christians who happens to be students" we have to get this straight. we were placed wherever we are FOR a REASON. God didn't place us on the earth just to cruise and enjoy life and keep the Good News to ourselves. but rather he wants us to not ONLY get closer to him daily BUT to "preach the good news, make disciples of all nations, and baptizing them in the name of the father, son and holy spirit." how often do we get distracted. we "had our hand on the plow but ooked back"? it's interesting. i want change. i want to change. i want to BE changed. just a preview of this week's sermon. it's going to be about CHANGE. how cool is that guys. so yea, now it's the time to live for God. NOW. it's NOW. not tomorrow. not the day after. not AFTER you study. not after you "bury your father". not after you "say your good-byes to your family". the point is NOW. EVERY SECOND COUNTS (says Caleb). i hope i'm not just writing a bunch of crap that i'm not going to follow up on. i really want to be different... and that brings up another story... well i'm not going to say much about the story. but let's just put it this way. through something that happened. i've realized how terrible of a friend i have been (NO I'M NOT TRYING TO GUILT TRIP YOU, DON'T FEEL BAD). and honestly NO ONE should feel bad. because i KNOW i'm a terrible friend. i like what bobby said. "every girl will say that Eliot's a jerk and tell Sam they hate him". it's so true. that's why on my expertise. it says i'm good at being mean to girls. i need to learn how to LOVE. and i'm not joking. through what happened this past week. i've realized that i need to be different. my friend couldn't even trust me with something "small" like that. they had to deliberately hide something from me, because they know that i'd be stupid about it. MAN i was SOOO upset. and there's nothing wrong for them to think that way, because i probably would. how pathetic was that. again, i'm not trying to make anyone feel bad here. and NO ONE should feel bad. i care a lot about my friends, but i don't show it all the time. it's probably a pride thing. but yeah i'm sorry for all of you that i've hurt in the past, i DO care. in fact i care a LOT about a lot of you guys. i just don't show it well. anywho, yea. no one should feel bad once again, because i know how terrible of a friend i am. so here's my first step of change. i need to learn how to love. to love those that don't love me. to love those that i don't agree with. to love those that love the world. to love those that don't love Jesus. to love those don't share the same views as i do. to love... everyone... plain and simple. so lately i've fallen in love with this new CD, the New Season by Israel Houghton and New Breed. honestly, these people are SO talented. not only are they talented, but they have SO MUCH heart. i love it. just listening to them gives me goosebumps. they're SOOO good. i wish i can play/sing like that one day. i know it's not possible. beacuse i'm not... alright let's not be racist here. but it's true. i wish i can be like that. i really like what Israel says in between songs and in the middle of songs. the way that he just let the spirit lead him to say say and sing whatever. it's so admirable. so anyways, his songs New Season, You've won my affection, There is none like you, Your atter will be greater... amazing guys, check out his lyrics sometime. anyways, i'm done for the night. i've been really encouraged lately. and my walk with God's been getting better and better lately. and i thank God for that. for his abundant and amazing grace... that everytime we screw up in life, his love covers our sins. wow, overwhelming thought. and NO i'm not just saying all these things to sound holy or whatever. in fact. if you think that's why i blog, then you're wrong, and you should STOP reading my blog. the whole purpose of writing these things is to REMIND MYSELF what the Lord has taught me, and to inspire people. i'm really excited for sunday, and of course, next friday... Music for your soul: Deeper - Hillsong United Light to men Love of God Healing for the wounded heart Like a child quiet my soul Hear Your voice surround me Lord Jesus, hold me into Your heart Into Your heart Lord my soul delights And I know You hear my prayer Take me deeper Lord Glorious Son to You I shall bow Bow my knee, bow my will Cherished by the strong and the weak Humble hearts shall hear You speak And by Your love Lord You opened my heart Now Your light will shine always By Your Word Lord Your promise secure And my soul will live always Take me deeper Lord (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 29th, 2005
10:48 pm	When expectations and reality collide i hope this entry will inspire some of you that are in need for a New Season i don't why but it seems like people around me are all getting really tired and exhausted in life. people are at the point where others depend on them so much, that they have no room to breath and no where to go. all these people are all emotionally drained and physically drained from circumstances around them... it's evident that we're all running dry... we need God to fill us up again... it's like the analogy that i used... quoting my CTI team leader Max... last night at accountability. imagine this for a sec. say you have 1 cup in your hand and 4 cups on the table along with a jug of water. imagine that YOU are that ONE cup in your hand... and your friends are the FOUR cups on the table... so whenever God (jug of water) fills you up... you go and try to fill the rest of the cups ONE by ONE. before you know it... your OWN cup is dry... and your life becomes dry... spiritually, physically and mentally. you get so burnt out with life and all these people around you. you feel like you need to help each and everyone of them. but everytime you help them. you ended up "emptying" your OWN cup. this doesn't work... so instead of trying to do that... we should let God's love overflow in our lives... the visual demonstartion of this is that you place YOUR cup on top of the FOUR cups on the table... and you pour water into your own cup and let the water OVERFLOW into the rest of the cups. this way, our life is ALWAYS filled with God's love... and that these will overflow in our life and impact others. so yea i don't know why but everyone around me seems to be breaking down lately. but in the midst of all of this... there's a New Season... so i was watching 722 today. and the new series was about Soul Stealers. and the speaker talks about how there are so many things in life that "Steal" our souls from God... and the first one that he talked about was frustration. in a more profound way of illustrating this. he said it's basically when expectations and reality CLASHES and COLLIDES. when things don't work out the way that we want it to. it's about when life sucks. it's about when we want to know WHY certain things happen. it's about how we LONG for a solution. so here's the way that he structured his sermon. he used the passage from Genesis 40... yes that's right. here's my favorite character of the bible again. Joseph, the son of Jacob. interesting fact, there's a line that repeats itself quite frequently in this chapter "and the Lord was with Josph..." Genesis 40 is about trials. it's about trials that Joseph went through. he was hated, abandoned and sold by his own brothers. he was accused for rape when he's absolutely nothing. his life sucked... this is Genesis 40... and we all go through that. there are Genesis 40 in our lives. Genesis 40 in school, in relationship, at work, at church, at home... etc. it's evident wherever we go... when expectations and reality collides. however there are THREE things that we need to do... 1) we need to recognize that these things in life as a course of preparation Joseph was probably a cocky kid... or else he wouldn't have worn the colorful robe that his dad gave him and flashing it in front of his brothers. or else he wouldn't have told his brothers that they're gonna bow before him one day. God wasn't going to put a cocky kid in a leadership position. in fact God wanted and needed to shape him and mold him. Joseph was being confined and restricted in jail. his life sucked... but we have to realize that it's all a course of preparation... for something better in the future. it is not judgement nor condemnation that these Genesis 40 circumstances happen in life. but rather it's preparation. 2) we should refuse to compromise Instead of waiting for God to help him, Joseph decided to find his own way out. he whinned and comprosmied and it ended up costing him an EXTRA year in jail. how often do we do that in life. God was ready to take us out of situation, however, we find our own way, our own solution thinking that we can get out of this by our own strength. but we end up PROLONGING the process... exactly what Joseph did 3) we need to request courage Joseph wanted vindication. he wanted revenge. he wanted God to prove to everybody around him that he was innocent. he wanted people around him to KNOW that he didn't do anything wrong. Ask God daily to "give you the courage to stay with God in my head, in my heart and where you have me." instead of staying with what God had in stored for Joseph, he tried to do things his own way. "just because we don't see God working, doesn't mean he's NOT working". the key to this sermon is this "and if you're taking notes, you should take this down. for every 40... there's a 41..." Theres'a NEW SEASON a head of us. the season of frustration eventually leads to a season of contendment. the season of sanding and molding leads to a season of success. now here's one of the most profound line from the sermon. "now that you KNOW better, you can DO better" so yea, that's basically what the guy said in the sermon. if you're a music person, here's something to inspire you. Israel Houghton New Season CD... Your Latter Will Be Greater... "all things are possible... your latter will be greater... the best is yet to come" - Your latter will be greater " the bible declares that the end of a thing is better than the beginning of a thing" " the best days and the blessed days are ahead... that your problems don't equal your promises... that devil's no does not equal God's yes..." - Israel Houghton CD of the Moment: Israel Houghton and the New Breed - New Season (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:09 pm	"so you'll have to find virgins..." most of you are probably thinking... what the heck are you talking about Eliot. hahaha but yeah. it's true. it's something that my TA said today during our Genetics lab. and i AM on my to finding VIRGINS hahaha. but yea. so in genetics lab. we're required to breed and mate Drosophilla melanogaster... aka. fruit flies.. so yea... when you mate the fruit flies to produce a first filial generation, you want to make sure that the female flies are virgins. that's because... well let's not get into too much detail, most of you won't understand anyway and it's besides the point. so the point is... we need to go into the lab everyday... and find virgins... how weird is that... so yea. aside from this hilarious lab that i had, my day was pretty much the same. i went to the cardio center at like 9:00 in the morning and that was great. i've been keeping up with this cardio thing for three straight days now. now let's see how long i can keep this tihng up for. anywho, at the cardio center i saw this girl that looked really familiar... but i couldn't put a name to her face... so she walked over to my treadmill and decided to say hi to me. i felt so embarassed and guilty for not remembering her name AND not going up to her to say hi. so yea... it ended up being one of the girls that said across from steve and i at Fiona's farewell thing. so yea. that's pretty much the most interesting thing about my workout... o one more thing. our school's cardio center is amazing. it's got like 5 TVs are something... and on each machine that you're working out on... say your treadmill or something... it's got a earphone/headphone thing where you can plug in your own listening device and listen to the channels... kinda like the plane. so yeah that was pretty cool. so that was pretty much it about school and stuff. so yea... on to the better things in life hahaha. so last night i went to accountability with Casey. but before we did that... we went over to Jay's place. we satin his house and waited for him to come home. it felt a little awkward at first because i didn't really know him that well... but yet we were sitting in his house with his brothers waiting for him to come home... so yea... weird... so he came home and we talked for awhile and then chilled at his place for like an hour or so. and so i was talking about Hugh since Casey told me that they all know each other from elementary school. so yea... and then Jay showed us a picture of him and his student council people from elementary school. so yeah we were just looking at the picture and he was telling us all these stories from before... and then... i looked over... the person sitting beside Hugh looked VERY familiar... and it was Kristal Elliston... some girl that i knew from Char!s and Arts York... weird... and Casey and I have confirmed that the Karina that we know from Unionville is the same Karina that went to their elementary school... WEIRD!!!!!! so yea then Case and Jay played Madden for a bit and then we headed over to Brian's place to have accountability group... have you ever been in a situation/situations where you wish you can help your friend/friends... but can't. you want to say something to encourage them... knowing that nothing you say is gonna influence them. you really want to pray for them... knowing that they KNOW that prayer works... but it's not "practical" for them. or you wish that you could talk to them... but they don't really want to tell you anything... yea i had one of those nights... on a brighther note... some of the sharings were VERY encouraging, especially to myself. two of my boys shared about how music can influence peoples' lives. alright, enough said. you know where i'm gonna go with this. but it's so true. no matter how old you are and who you are or where you are... music exists... if only the gospel exists... where music exists... how nice would that be... Thotz of the Day: (for some of you... this is THE song... hopefully to encourage you on for a little bit) Through forgotten convictions Misplaced affections I'm losing the sound of Your voice I've been chasing after emptiness Trying to tidy up this mess I swear I’ve been down this road before I want to get back to where it all began When I would long for only You Like a child I'll take You at Your word As these mountains of doubt, they fade away I'm longing to trust and love You more So for me this is beautiful A brand new thought, and a brand new world Can I stay here forever here with You? I've lost sight of what first drew me To the love that pursued me The joy that inspired my song The friendship that was all I knew The arms that I would fall into Seem miles and years from where I am today I got to get back to where it all began When I would wait for only You Can I stay here forever Here with you? Surrounded by Your mercy Clothed in Your truth Always, I'll stay Always here with You Can I be here forever Here with You? Can I know what it's like To deeply love You? Always, Lord, let me stay Always, here with You Can I Stay Here Forever - Starfield (Comment on this)
Monday, September 26th, 2005
10:03 pm	lost... so i just realized that i have terrible discipline. i promised myself that i would start blogging again awhile ago. but CLEARLY i couldn't keep it up. but yeah, here i am again. blogging. so today i went to my music class. it's called listening to music. yea yea whatever, i know what y'all are thinking. you're probably thinking that i took that course because it's easy and it's a joke. but dude no man. the whole point of me taking that course was because it's a pre-requisite for a course that i wanted to take. a fourth year course - Beethoven. what's the big deal about this guy?! he was my childhook inspiration for piano. awesome character. you should look into his life sometime. anywho, so yeah i found the coolest quote from my listening to music textbook and here it is "next to the word of God, music deserves the highest praise" - Martin Luther i thought that was very cool to find a quote like that in my textbook. music... so powerful. i still remember awhile ago, in like Gr. 8 or something, there was this CD Allstar 1999 or something? the last song was like "let the music heal your soul" and it featured a whole bunch of popstars back in the days. "let the music heal your soul, let the music take control, let the music gives you the power to move any mountain..." of course we can't just take this song literally. from a religious perspective... we know that God is the one that heals our soul. God is the one that takes control. and God is the one that provides us power to do ANYthing... BUT, music IS powerful. i remember our prof trying to explain how music can influence us. and he couldn't even use words to describe it. there's music EVERYWHERE you go. from you something as complex as the stereo to something as simple as the birds chirping in the backyard. these are all music. and they somehow influence us in some way. i remember how friends always tell me that "aww this song makes me sad...". how?! no one can explain that... there's just something unique about music... that can touch peoples' hearts and CHANCE peoples' lives. i always have to refer back to my own testimony. something as "simple" as a song... that was it... nothing "miraculously" supernatural... although God had EVERYTHING to do with it... it was just a simple song and a simple clip from a cartoon... that ended up being a pivotal point in my life, and more importantly my walk with Christ... TC 2003, when we had the chance to do our monologues for TC Media... how does God speak to me... well he speaks to me AND everybody else in MORE than one way. but i believe that he speaks to me and THROUGH me by music. whenever i want to encourage people, very often songs come to mind rather than just plain words. and a lot of the times... when i ask God something... lyrisc and melodies will pop into my head... things that are in response to what i said. music is SO powerful, and we know it. it influence us in weird ways. in a way that we can't explain. how does "expressivo" influence our emotions? how does "pianissimo" and chromatic scales suggest mysteries? how does... i remember Leo telling me that apparently it's more damaging for our voice when we talk than when we sing. i thought that was an interesting. we were created to worship God. now of course the definition of "worship" extends beyond just MUSIC worship and singspiration. but i thought it was VERY interesting. the fact that we were created to "worship" God and that "singing" is actually less damaging to our voice than talking. very cool thought indeed. so why all this crazy music talk all of a sudden? i really don't know, i was very encouraged by other peoples' blogs and i was inpsired to pour my hearts out and just write something about something that i'm passionate about. music is DEFINITELY my life... not entirely... but it's a big part of it. Why did i join CTI?! it's simple. I get to do something that i love... for someONE that i love... for the people that HE loves... i had a chance to be trained musically and to be equiped spiritually. i had the opportunity to serve God with something that i love to do... i had a chance to change lives by the power of the holy spirit AND the power of music... that is why i did what i did this summer and didn't get a job or go to summer school or whatever. not that there's anything wrong with those. in fact i'd LOVE to get a job, or perhaps take summer school to reduce the workload during the school year. BUT i chose to do what i did, because i LOVE it and i believe that it's definitely God's will. so the million dollar question is this... what is God's will? that's got to be one of the hardest questions answer... yet simple. it's one of those simple truth that we often miss out on... it's not WHAT we do, it's WHO we are... and WHO/WHAT we're living for... i wanna sing like Starfield boys, i wanna be as talented as Everlife, i wanna be as creative as David Crowder Band, i wanna be as influencial as U2 and Switchfoot... i wanna be Eliot... the Eliot that God created him to be... doing the things that God intended for him to do... following God every step of the way... pushing aside all obstacles... ignoring ALL expectations... and living for the Kingdom of Heaven... that's my random thought of the day... enough said... perhaps it didn't make sense to you. but it did to me. so it ain't gonna matter what you think after you read this. all i gotta say is this... "we were meant to live... for SO MUCH more..." Thotz of the Day: "we were meant to live for so much more..." - Meant to live - Switchfoot (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 5th, 2005
9:00 pm	bye bye friends... wow, summer's over... well for some of us anyway. i still have another week to take it easy i guess. but yeah. so last night i got home at around 11:30 or so and had a really really good discussion with a friend of mine. i was really really encouraged. i know God's going to do crazy things TO and THROUGH this friend. so anyways, im on 4 hours a sleep with a whole lot of napping today... this morning we had a suprise thing for our brother Syd. we were "sending him off" to Ottawa for his Clinical placement thingy. so yeah we got there at around like 7:30 or so and waited till he wakes up at 8:00. and then we supriesed him. then we ate breakfast together and prayed for him. i was very encouraged to see that we care so much about each other and reminded me of you guys when y'all prayed for me at the airport. it was amazing to see how much God has blessed me AND Syd with friends. we've been bless with people that can pray for us and will always be praying for us even when we're "gone". so yeah we had a time of corporate prayer to "send off" Syd... after that i went home and practiced driving... that's about it... o and i had the most random conversation wit Manda and Kim hahaha... so yeah. as you can see, it wasn't an extraordinary day. but still i had a good time just relaxing... Thotz of the Day: "it's all about you, Jesus, it's not about me..." - Jesus, Lover of my Soul (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 4th, 2005
11:45 pm	great weekend thx guyz and girls for an amazing weekend of softball and fellowship. so yeah this week was the annual RHCBC fellowship cup weekend. we had 4 games in total and the two misfits teams had 5 i believe. but yeah this weekend was quite amazing i guess. overall, i think i had an amazing time just fellowshipping and making new friends and playing softball, of course. i was batting amazing in my first two games. i started switch hitting, my newest trick, hahaha it's pretty fun. i pulled the Ichiro on Misfit 2 today. it was really fun switch hitting... i got really caught up with the games yesterday and i let my emotions had the best of me. that wasn't too good at all. honestly i didn't have too much fun yesterday. but thx to my boys for telling me what this is all about. it wasn't about us. it was for all those people that don't/didn't play on a CCSA team. it was for PASTOR HERMAN. for possibly his last fellowship cup appearance... so today i got to play bass. that was kinda fun actually. we had the funniest set up and the funniest set today. we played some dirty rock and apparently some Tweezer too or something like that. hahaha. it was kinda weird musically. but hey, we gave it our all and we had a lot of fun just leading people into worshipping God. anyhoo, so yeah communion came around and i had to play something. Steve told me to play some Switchfoot. so i started in the key of C and doing I IV VI V I or something like that... and then bust out into ON FIRE all of a sudden. that was pretty cool... i really like and appreciate being held accountable... for prayer and for a lot of other things. you guys know what im talking about. so yeah i pray that i can keep it up and so can the rest of you boys. alright i'm out. amazing weekend. thank God for amazing fellowship time and LOTZ of softball... and awesome FRIENDS of course... Thotz of the Day: "all of YOU, is more than enough for... all of me" - Enough - Chris Tomlin (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 27th, 2005
11:45 pm	... what the heck man.... i'm havin' one of those days where i hate everything and everyone and easily annoyed and stuff like that. dude i have no compassion for anything and anyone whatsoever. all i wanted to do today was to play a good game of softball and eventually advance in playoff. and of course that didn't happen. i was actually pretty frustrated and disappointed... but whatever. i just wanted to go and cheer for Dunamis and help them out... bleh... bad day. i don't even know why. everybody's annoying me for some reason and everything seems to upset me. whatever. i'm just probably having one of my mood swings again. i don't really feel like talking anyone... and when i do... people don't seem like they care. so whatever. i don't wanna talk to them. friends? what friends. whatever man... sometimes i wonder if they're actually my friends. im serious. i think it's a totally valid thing. like im not being stupid and emotional about it. but a lot of the times i wonder if people that i call friends are actually my friends... i don't know man. i just wanna... i don't know what i want... i really need to get back to God... i need him to rescue me... Thotz of the Day: "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue" - Rescue (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 19th, 2005
11:15 am	who would've thought... in a K room... in the middle of Karaoke...HE was there so yeah last night i went to Karen Chung's birthday party. we went to Mix2 for karaoke. i haven't been there in the longest time. considering the fact that i use to be there every other day or at least once a week. anywho, i was struggling whether i should go or not. but in the end i ended up going of course. so there were like 10 of us to start of with. karen chung, loretta, lorraine, fiona, wilson, mandi, jacky lam, rosa, diana and myself. something like that. and then eventually people left and Peter and Nelson came. anywho, i didn't really feel like singing hahaha. but yeah. so Jacky and Loretta were asking me about my CTI tour. and so i had a chance to explain to them some stuff that i've learnt from the trip. that was pretty cool. then i found out that Diana came to Christ like the night before, which was very unexpected and out of the blue. but yeah i was happy for her though. so yeah anyway, throughout the whole night i had a lot of chances to talk to my friends about church and about passion and stuff. and yeah when we were discussing about our future and stuff, i simply can't tell them what i want to do. there's so much i want to do but yet i don't know if that's what i'll end up doing. but yeah it was really cool that i had a chance to talk to them about my passion - Music of course. and so i told them to read my Chronicles of Char!s and sent them our recordings. i just pray that these will be inspiring for them... some of us wanna start a cell group, well more like a group that just gather together to share and talk and stuff. it doesn't have to be anything formal. who would've thought. something like this would be discussed in a K room. that was kinda interesting. i really had a good time and i am glad that i went. if i didn't go i wouldn't have had a chance to talk to them about CTI and about my passion and stuff. and i wouldn't have been able to talk to them in a deeper level and inspire them. it was an amazing experience... so basically that sums up what i was talking to robyn about too. sometimes being a light and bringing the gospel to our friends doesn't necessarily have to be explicit. sometimes your ACTIONS speak a LOT louder than words. but of course that works either way... either you can influence them positively or SCREW UP their view of Christianity. i was glad i had a chance to talk to my friends... Thotz of the Day: "What do i have, if i don't have you Jesus, What in this life, could mean anymore?" - Cry in My Heart - Starfield (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
8:59 pm	here i am... again... same old... so yeah. here i am again. saying the same things again. i haven't done this for awhile. i really wanted to journal consistently to keep track of the amazing things that God's been doing my life. but for all of you that are close to me already know that i've been going through some tough times in the past week. i don't blame anyone else but myself for what happened. but yeah. im still not in the mood to really journal, but i was truly encouraged last night. i truly experienced the scripture when it says something like when one part of the body suffers, we all suffer together... so last night was Bobby's bday dinner and his suprise softball game. a lot of us came out to play softball after the dinner and we played till like 11 or something like that. after an amazing game, couple of us decided to just hit around and catch and stuff like that. and who would've thought, Casey got hurt. it was an accident. no one's fault at all. let me say it again. NO ONE's fault. anywho, so Casey got hit in the cheek by one of Alex's liner. nope. not the hitter you want... to hit a liner to your face. anywho. because that happened. we went over to Skids place to get ice and let Casey rest for a little. and all of a sudden. it turned into a huge prayer meeting for us Salties. wow. it was very very very encouraging. Casey, a man that just got hurt, decided to pray for practically everybody in the room. wow. what a guy. he's hurt and needing rest. but he still believe in the power of prayer and was thinking and caring about all of us. that was almost very shameful for me. i'm alive and well and i don't even pray for people like Casey did last night... so here i am again... same old... not just for the fact that i don't journal for a couple days and then come back and journal again and then not journal again for couple days and so on. but i haven't been spending time with my Best Friend lately. i haven't been listening to what he wants to tell me and i haven't been talking to him regularly. i'm sorry. "im gonna get back to where it all begain..." thank you so much for all of you that talked to me or ask me if i was ok and stuff. sorry if i've been weird and annoyed or pissed you off some how. yeah i just need my time to recover from this.... Thotz of the Day: Through forgotten convictions Misplaced affections I'm losing the sound of Your voice I've been chasing after emptiness Trying to tidy up this mess I swear I’ve been down this road before I want to get back to where it all began When I would long for only You Like a child I'll take You at Your word As these mountains of doubt, they fade away I'm longing to trust and love You more So for me this is beautiful A brand new thought, and a brand new world Can I stay here forever here with You? I've lost sight of what first drew me To the love that pursued me The joy that inspired my song The friendship that was all I knew The arms that I would fall into Seem miles and years from where I am today I got to get back to where it all began When I would wait for only You Can I stay here forever Here with you? Surrounded by Your mercy Clothed in Your truth Always, I'll stay Always here with You Can I be here forever Here with You? Can I know what it's like To deeply love You? Always, Lord, let me stay Always, here with You Can I Stay Here Forever? - Starfield (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 12th, 2005
12:36 am	yay... 2 days in a row... no more laziness yup that's right you heard me... back for another entry hahaha. so yeah today was kinda normal. nothing much really happened. ooo. except that i had to practice driving today because i'm getting my G real soon... next week i think. so yeah i had to go out and practice my parallel parking and 3 point turn and all that jazz. and dude. that was REALLY frustrating. my dad took me out to one of our streets in our neighbourhood and just practiced there. dude. parallel parking PISSED me off SOO MUCH. i was SO frustrated. but yeah i couldn't really do anything about it except to suck it up and just WORK IT. so yea. that was that... then i got home and got an email from Melody, recruiting lady from CTI. so yeah since i was taking too long to consider their position and stuff like that. they've accepted another guy for the male vocalist position on the full time team. i was a little bit disappointed but on the other hand HAPPY with the decision that they've made and God's made for me. because now i don't have to worry about going on full time anymore. i can just concentrate and sit at home and wait for my pharmacy people to call me... if i DO get accepted of course. but yeah it makes my life a LITTLE less stressful now. so thank God for that. but i'm definitely considering going back for another summer tour... hopefully this coming year. but yeah that means i might now be able to play softball or will miss a whole lot of games again... so we had a softball meeting tonight. and the softball meeting got me thinking about something that i talked to Kim about last night. incompetence. i don't know why but i've been feeling incompetent and people have been telling me that i'm incapable of doing certain things. and being a VERY prideful YOUNG man, that of course pisses me off like no other. i don't know how to react to those things. although they didn't say it directly in your face. but just the fact that they're complimenting your friends and other people makes you feel like you're not as competent as they are. yeah yeah i know it's stupid. why would you think that way Eliot? i don't know why neither? i think i'm just a very prideful individual and LOVES recognition. however, that's NOT what we should LIVE for. i don't know, whatever man i'm just having one of those stupid moments. but yeah. i always tell myself... or it seems like others are trying to tell me... you're never gonna be as good as your friends... or basically... you're never gonna be good at anything... whatever... Thotz of the Day: "I know i'm God's invention, he knows i need attention.. even misconception, God knows my intention" - Getting Closer - Everlife (1 Comment |Comment on this)